Aussie, Aussie, Aussie Oi, Oi, Oi or "How to Make an Entire Country Sound Like a Bunch of Morons in Six Words or Less".

Every time I hear "Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, oi, oi, oi" being yelled out I scream and gesticulate wildly at the TV. Do the people yelling it realise that it makes them and, by association me, sound like a bunch of unimaginative idiots? I just want to jump up and say "It's just these guys here! The rest of the country is quite learned and erudite! Seriously!"

Even the drunkest pack of Poms can usually manage to muster a stirring rendition of "Swing Low Sweet Chariot".

Is this the best we can do? Really?

Wankers.

How to Control the Worlds Population

Simple.

Invent a time machine.

I am a father of two, one being a recent newborn. Neither of my youngsters have been particularly easy babies so I know what it's like to be constantly worried and sleep deprived. I reckon that if you had a time machine and were able to catapult from before the date of conception to two weeks after the birth the worlds population would be SIGNIFICANTLY less than it is today. SIGNIFICANTLY. Let's face it, the first month or two can be bloody awful.

Conversely, if you were able to go straight to 3 or 4 months after the birth then the worlds population might be double what it is now because after that age they are just magic.

Max Markson - as bad as that Corey Worthington fucker he pimps for.

Max Markson you are a sub human toad. I regard you with the same contempt that I have for the teenage hollow skull that you now have on your books. You have shown that you have negligible moral fibre and are totally motivated by your lust for money. Doubtless you would have gleefully represented Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, Edi Amin, Pol Pot and even Jack the fucking ripper if you were able.

I take solice in the certainty that the estimated $30,000 - $60,000 you might make for Corey will be the only money that little tool will ever make. He will blow his ill gotten gains in a few weeks as if he were a Big Brother winner and be forgotten just as quickly.

My finger goes up to you.